BUFFY: I don't know. To slay, to kill it means being hard on the inside. Maybe being the perfect Slayer means being too hard to love at all. I already feel like I can hardly say the words. GILES: How serious are you about this? BUFFY: Ten. I'm serious to the amount of ten. BUFFY: I love you *really* love you. DAWN: Gettin' weird. BUFFY: Sorry. But it's important that I tell you. Weird love's better than no love. SPIKE: Some say it's better'n the real thing. WARREN: Better than the real thing. SPIKE: A little walk, a little talk perhaps a zippy cartwheel. BUFFYBOT: Oh, Spike! SPIKE: She'll do. BUFFY: Supplies? I was wondering about that. Like, food, water, maybe a compass? GILES: What about a book, a gourd, and a bunch of twigs? BUFFY: I don't think I'll be that hungry. BUFFY: A guide but no food or water. So it leads me to the sacred place, and then a week later it leads you to my bleached bones? GILES: Buffy, please. It takes more than a week to bleach bones. BUFFY: So, how's it start? GILES: I, uh, jump out of the circle and then jump back in it, and then, um I shake my gourd. BUFFY: I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the hokey-pokey and turn themselves around. GILES: Go quest. BUFFY: And that's what it's all about. SPIKE: Is that your best, Slayer? BUFFYBOT: No. SPIKE: Why not? BUFFYBOT: I wanna hurt you, but I can't resist the sinister attraction of your cold and muscular body. SPIKE: Maybe I should repay you for your gentleness. Maybe I should let you go. BUFFYBOT: No! No, Spike. Never let me go. SPIKE: You know you should be afraid of me. I'm bad. BUFFYBOT: You are. You're very, very bad. BUFFYBOT: I'm helpless against you, you fiend. ANYA: See, if you were really a witch, you could do a spell to escape. So really it was only bad for the falsely accused, and, well, they never have a good time. BUFFYBOT: You're evil. SPIKE: And that excites you? BUFFYBOT: It excites me, it terrifies me, I try so hard to resist you and I can't. BUFFYBOT: Darn your sinister attraction. SPIKE: Are you afraid of me? BUFFYBOT: (big smile) Yes. SPIKE: You know I can't bite you. BUFFYBOT: I think you can. I think you can if I let you, and I want to let you. I want you to bite me and devour me until there's no more. Oh, Spike, devour me! BUFFYBOT: Should I start this program over? SPIKE: Shh! No programs. Don't use that word. Just be Buffy. WILLOW: And, uh, don't write in it or, or, uh, put a coffee mug down on it, or anything. And, and, just don't spill. Okay. Oh, oh, and don't fold the page corners down. BUFFYBOT: How is your money? ANYA: Fine. Thank you for asking. BUFFYBOT: It's Spike. And he's wearing the coat. BUFFYBOT: Spike and I will do it alone. You guys head home. BUFFYBOT: Do I look hot to you? SPIKE: Always. ANYA: I breathed in like a quart of vampire dust. That can't be good. BUFFYBOT: You're the BIG bad! WILLOW: Those darn Salem judges. With their less-satanic-than-thou attitude. TARA: Oh, honey, let's change it. The Discovery channel has koala bears. TARA: Everyone, before we jump all over her, people do strange things when someone they love dies. When I lost my mother, I did some pretty dumb stuff, like lying to my family and staying out all night. ANYA: Buffy's boinking Spike. WILLOW: Oh well, Tara's right. Grief can be powerful, and we shouldn't judge- TARA: What are you, kidding? She's nuts! ANYA: Sometimes in the movies when they go crazy they slap 'em. XANDER: No, but if I have to see her straddle Spike again, I will definitely knock myself unconscious. SPIKE: I'm not a monster. XANDER: Yes. You are a monster. Vampires are monsters. They make monster movies about them. SPIKE: Well, yeah, you got me there. FIRST SLAYER: You are full of love. You love with all of your soul. It's brighter than the fire blinding. That's why you pull away from it. FIRST SLAYER: Love is pain, and the Slayer forges strength from pain. Love give forgive. Risk the pain. It is your nature. Love will bring you to your gift. FIRST SLAYER: Death is your gift. BUFFY: Okay, no. Death is not a gift. My mother just died. I know this. If I have to kill demons because it makes the world a better place, then I kill demons, but it's not a gift to anybody. BUFFYBOT: It wasn't one time. It was lots of times. And lots of different ways. I could make sketches. BUFFYBOT: Angel's lame. His hair grows straight up, and he's bloody stupid. BUFFYBOT: You're recently gay. GLORY: What the hell is that, and why is his hair that color? SPIKE: Yeah, damn right I'm impure. I'm as impure as the driven yellow snow. ANYA: Which is kind of thrown by the you having sex with Spike. BUFFY: The who whating how with huh? ANYA: Okay, that's denial. That usually comes before anger. BUFFY: (angrily) I am not having sex with Spike! ANYA: Anger. XANDER: Spike is strong and mysterious and sort of compact but well-muscled. BUFFY: I am not having sex with Spike! But I'm starting to think that you might be. BUFFYBOT: Say, look at you. You look just like me! We're very pretty. BUFFY: No, *she's* a robot. She acts just like that girlfriend-bot that Warren guy made. You guys couldn't tell me apart from a robot? BUFFYBOT: Oh, I don't think I'm a robot. BUFFYBOT: People. Friends of mine. You're forgetting the most important thing. Glory has Spike and she's going to harm him. GLORY: I have a riddle for you, precious. How is a vampire that won't talk like an apple? Think I can do you in one long strip? BUFFYBOT: Thank you. But I really think we should be listening to the other Buffy, Guy-els. She's very smart and she's gonna help us save Spike. GILES: Guy-els? Spike didn't even bother to program my name properly. BUFFY: Listen, skirt girl, we are not going to save him. BUFFYBOT: You're right. He's evil. But you should see him naked. I mean really. MURK: We will bring you Bob Barker! We will bring you the limp and beaten body of Bob Barker. GLORY: It is not Bob Barker, scabby morons! The key is new to this world and Bob Barker is as old as grit. The vampire is lying to me. SPIKE: The god of what, bad home perms? SPIKE: Yeah, okay, sorry, but I just had no idea that gods were such prancing lightweights. Mark my words, the Slayer is going to kick your skanky, lopsided ass back to whatever place would take a cheap, whorish, fashion victim ex-god like you. SPIKE: Good plan, Spike. JINX: The Slayer was there. She seemed to be everywhere at once. BUFFY: At least it's not a very good copy. DAWN: We're safe, right. And, uh, Spike built a robot Buffy to play checkers with. BUFFYBOT: Spike! You're covered in sexy wounds. BUFFYBOT: Why did you let that Glory hurt you? SPIKE: She wanted to know who the key was. BUFFYBOT: Oh, well, I can tell her, and then you'll- SPIKE: No! You can't ever. Glory never finds out. BUFFYBOT: Why? SPIKE: 'Cause Buffy the other, not so pleasant Buffy, anything happened to Dawn, it'd destroy her. I couldn't live, her bein' in that much pain. Let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did. BUFFY: What you did, for me, and Dawn that was real. I won't forget it. Back to folder